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Mensa AU Fic Exchange: "loose ends" for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
very_rotten
Title: loose ends
Author:thisissirius
Pairings: Mensa!rod/mensa!john & john/rodney
SGA-verse or MENSA-verse: main mensa!verse but a little of normal!verse too.
Rating: pg
Warnings: character!ascension :) set post-epiphany.
Recipient:very_rotten
-your fault, you know. I don’t know how, and I don’t even know why, but it just is. You drag me around places I don’t want to go, and even convinced me that I should lead a team and I don’t even know what I’m doing, dammit, so -
He ascended.
Rod’s fingers drummed against the lab table, chest tightening as he eyed the hastily scribbled notes Sheppard had left behind. Harsh red pen, his trademark, only now made the white paper seem stark and horrid. Paper was a rarity in the Pegasus Galaxy, used sparingly and with care, but Sheppard had always seemed to have a piece, somewhere and would make Rod examine the notes he made, smug when Rod could (would) find no mistakes.
What the hell were you thinking, J? The stray thought caught him, and he held it. Straightening, he watched Radek give him an uneasy smile from across the room and his hold almost failed, the mask almost slipped. They tip-toed around him like he was going to fall apart, like he was made of glass.
For all that they tried, though, they couldn’t understand, not even a little bit.
He ignored Radek, and turned back to his laptop, and even there, there were signs of Sheppard’s intrusion in his life. The stupid picture he’d taken of his pot plant (still in Katie’s care and Rod needed to get it back, now) and stuck on Rod’s laptop for no other discernable reason other than to be a pain in Rod’s ass.
One he’d gladly get back, if he could.
-did, I made you happy? I like to think I did, but there’s so much to consider in a relationship – if that’s what we have, maybe we were just, friends with benefits? Lovers? – there’s variables and angles and decisions, and I hope I made the right choices, when I came to you. I guess I’ll never know, now if-
“Rod?” Elizabeth was standing in the doorway to her office when he ascended the stairs – and wasn’t that a hideously ironic word, considering? – and he gave her a tight smile, the best he could muster under the circumstances, even he wasn’t infallible. “Can I have a word?”
He looked quickly at Chuck, as if asking in silent desperation for help, but the technician gave him none and he wondered if this was a conspiracy. “One.”
His joke fell flat, though not for lack of trying, and he entered more slowly, unsure of what she was trying to do. He’d heard everything he needed to already, and if she tried to console him he was sure he was going to go insane. Slowly, he took a seat across from hers, and watched her fight to keep her emotions under control, and he knew she hurt, too.
“I understand how-” She fought for the right word and if he’d been a better man, now, he would have supplied it for her. “-hard, this is for you, but I need you to-” She paused again, and he knew in that silence what she was asking from him.
He wanted to snap, to lose control and let the disapproval and anger and hurt and pain roll off of him, but he couldn’t, he was still Rod McKay and he was easy going, and cool and –
“Look, I know you want me to, get over this,” His mouth twisted over the hateful words, “but I haven’t just lost a team-mate, Doctor-” He couldn’t help the inflection. “I lost a friend and-” He closed his eyes and let out a breath, he couldn’t go there. Even she didn’t have the power to save him from that. “Someone close to me.” He eyed her curiously, but she made no mention of the slip. “Tell me how quickly I’m supposed to get over that?”
She didn’t say anything for a minute, surprised by his words, but she overcame that quickly. “Rod-ney.” She added the last, almost as an afterthought. “The whole of Atlantis suffers the loss of its Military Commander.” He closed his eyes, no he hadn’t forgotten that either. The memory of Major Lorne, heels of her hands pressed to her eyes, wasn’t going to leave him soon, either. “But we need to get out there again. These are trying times for all of us.”
“You want me to get over it as soon as possible?” Even he wasn’t above the occasional slip, so it seemed. “Fine, Doctor Weir. Stick a marine in-“
“Major Lorne has requested she be allowed to join your team.”
Rodney’s eyes closed in another painful gesture, and he nodded, tightly. “Fine. Give us ample notice of our first mission and we’ll be there.” He stood up, without waiting to be dismissed, but Elizabeth hurried to finish.
“Rodney, wait. I miss him too.” She paused, reached into the desk for some papers. She held them out to him. “John asked me to give these to you.” When he died
His chest tightened painfully, and he didn’t need to hear the last to know it was there. He took them slowly, but refused to look at them.
“I’m sorry, truly. I understand how much-“
He didn’t want to hear the rest, not yet, and left her office before he could give anymore of his pain, his secrets, away.
-I know I should have tried to listen to you harder, all of you, but it wasn’t easy, admitting that I was wrong, sometimes.
I do thank you, though, because you gave me the power and strength to be somebody I didn’t think I could be, and I know I didn’t ever tell you that enough. I felt, sometimes, as though I were split in two, torn between duty and friendship, something I hope never to feel again.
Maybe it was easy on me, and I hope it was, for your sake.
Thank you, for everything. Teyla and Ronon, too. Between you, you were –
“Teyla?” She paused mid-step and eyed Rod curiously. He rarely sought her out before now, usually the other way round. These were challenging times for them, though, both as friends and as a team. She could recall the only other time they had stood a challenge such as this, and she remembered that with pain and sadness.
She inclined her head towards him and lowered the bantos sticks to her sides. “Rodney.” The flinch had always fascinated her, but she never shortened his name, not even when he asked. She was only interested in the man beneath, not the mask; for all that she had perfected hers.
“Will you fight with me?” He flicked a hand at the spare sticks and she couldn’t help the smile. It had been a long time since she’d fought with anyone who matched her in skill. The last had been John, who- She cut that thought off harshly. Too soon.
Twirling his sticks experimentally, Rodney was watching her circle him with loaded eyes. She often remarked that he was an open book before her, but never had she seen him like this, so tense and untamed. It was as though he could break before her, and a flood would come forth, drowning her in his emotions and pain.
“He meant a lot to us.” And this, then, was the reason he had come. He rarely asked her for wisdom and help, and she rarely gave it. If she was to admit it, to herself and to them, she was still mistrustful, slightly; of those she now called friends. She couldn’t help the burning resentment she felt at losing her home, but she would love them, now, and should they ask she would tell them how she cared, how much she wished they could end the conflict between their peoples, but they had never enquired.
“Yes.” She answered quickly, and then ducked as he swung, clumsy. It showed how out of practice he was, as she was in fighting him, that the second snapped her on the back of her thigh. Rolling away swiftly, she waited for him to move again. “You came to me.”
He flinched and they came together in a mess of sticks, pushing and pushing and – “I miss him.” The words were punctuated by a smack of the sticks, again and then he was pressing against her, face inches from hers, but she stood her ground easily. “Too much.”
“Is there a limit to how much you should love him?” They came apart, springing back and she rested easily on the toes of her left foot. “John loved you back as much, this you must now.” He pressed, again, on the advantage, but she was trained on the defence, and this was no more stick fighting than it was reassurance on Rod’s part.
He frowned. “It’s not even as though I can mourn.” He backed off, swirled a stick and waited for her to advance. She knew better, as well as with her words. “He’s not really dead.”
She acquiesced with a nod but pressed forward, just to see him fight. They met again and this time stayed, stick to stick, until she pressed her advantage, both of skill and timing and slid the stick around his neck, dropping him to his knees. “He knew the price, Rodney.”
Rodney pushed her off and climbed to his feet, making no move to reclaim his sticks. “He gave up everything-” He paused and Teyla heard the unspoken he gave up me. “-to ascend?”
She couldn’t answer him that.
-Don’t think bad of me, Rod. I tried my best, you have to know that-
The mess was silent and Ronon was glad of that one fact. There were few people here he trusted, and even fewer were left since the last Wraith attack and the subsequent loss of his team leader. He made no outward sign that anything was bothering him, but as he slid into the customary chair, at their customary table he was left speechless.
John had been weird, there was no question. His constant talk about numbers and stuff he didn’t understand had been an annoyance, sure, and Ronon could place more similarity with Rod, but there had been something about John, not least because he’d been the Military Head, but because he’d earnt Ronon’s trust as easily as if he’d been Satedan.
“Mind if I join you?” Ronon looked up, startled, and nodded silently to Major Lorne. He hadn’t known her very long, didn’t know her very well, but she’d never given him cause to wish her harm. She’d treated John (one of the only ones) with something close to respect, and he admired that she’d been sensible enough to keep opinions about his style to herself.
He said very little, but she wasn’t in the mood for talk. “You run every morning.” She made a face at his questioning eyebrow. “With John, I mean, didn’t you?”
“And Rod.” And hadn’t there been complaining about that. To Ronon’s immense surprise it had been Rod who complained the most, even if it was John who was always far too late sleeping in to run very often. The few times he had, though, Ronon had respected how much he’d looked into Satedan culture and customs. “They know me.”
He’d rarely run with Teyla. They fought in other ways, often with words, and only when they wanted to really hurt. “I can understand that. I just wondered-” There was another pause and Ronon considered for a minute why they never just outright said anything. He’d never understood their types of fear. There should only be one, that of the Wraith and the threat they posed. Better to ask for forgiveness, than to ask for permission. “-If one day you wouldn’t mind if I tagged along?”
She was to be his team leader now. He wondered if this was her way of asking whether that would be alright. “Sure. Six am.” He said no more, but saw something in her visibly release and she relaxed a little more. “John was a good leader.” She looked up, surprised flashing in her eyes. “I don’t envy you.”
She gave him the first real smile he’d seen on her face since, and he gave a nod in return. He rarely did smiling and she wasn’t team enough, yet.
“Rod will get used to you.”
She made a face and shovelled a mouthful of food in as if to mask it. When she’d swallowed she sighed again, this time more heartfelt. “I don’t think it will ever be the same.”
Ronon was tactful enough not to mention that it wouldn’t be for him, either.
- I wish you didn’t have to live this way, Rod. Not without me. Something made me do this, I’m sure, and it was probably out of protection for you, or out of fear that you’d never make it to me in time.
Know that I love you and wish that you could be there with me, as I go.
“He didn’t think we’d come for him.”
Rod pressed his hand to his face. Teyla took the letter from his outstretched fingers and read it over once, before passing it over to Ronon.
“He never placed as much faith in those words as you.”
“’Never leave a man behind’.” Rod said mockingly, before sitting back against the wall. John’s quarters were oddly empty, now, they were short on space and Elizabeth had been loathe to move his things, at first. Now, there was no reason to keep them and Rod entertained little hope of ever seeing his – of ever seeing John again.
“He never gave up hope.” Ronon shrugged easily and Rod glanced at him curiously. “John isn’t so different from you, not on a level. He would have waited as long as he could.”
Rod’s face twisted again, this time in self-hate. Teyla and Ronon knew better than to pry. “I’d give up everything, hell; I’d give up Atlantis just to get him back.” He stood, casting one look back at Sheppard’s room and ducked out of the door. “I’m sure he’s found something a lot more fulfilling.”
Teyla and Ronon exchanged one look of brief pain before they, too, left the room.
*
“I’m willing to take that risk. I’ve already requested the Daedalus to execute the transport to the coordinates inside the chamber on your mark. That is, if you’re willing to do this.” Rod gave Rodney what he hoped was an easy smile.
” Everyone loves you here.”
Rod barked a short laugh. “Yeah, but it’s not home. Look, what, my Teyla is hard to talk to, and my Ronon is, well, actually those two are pretty similar.” Rod winced and this time, Rodney deigned to bring it up.
“You never mention your Sheppard.” Rod’s breath caught in his throat, and he could see Rodney looking thoughtful. “Which time was it?”
Something akin to surprise flashed across his face at the thought of Rodney understanding. “What?”
“I’m always telling him that one time he won’t come home.” Something tightened in his face and Rod wondered how he could have missed it.
“You and him?”
Rodney looked at him wild-eyed and Rod held up his hands to placate him.
“Me and J, too.” The endearment came more easily, now, than it ever had. Being here, with their Sheppard had hurt, at first, but he was different, so different, that it was hard for Rod to associate them as the same person, and so he had stopped. “He ascended.”
Rodney’s eyes widened and for an instant, he moved as if to put a hand on Rod’s arm, but he stopped. “That must have been-” He looked pained, as if the admission was causing him harm and Rod shook his head.
“It’s okay now, really. It’s been months.” It didn’t make it easier, but for the first time since he’d arrived in this universe, Rod missed, really missed Teyla and Ronon. He missed Lorne and her easy smile, and quick wit. “They’re my team. Lorne too.”
Rodney gave him a flash of surprise, but said nothing and Rod knew they were thinking the same thing. If Sheppard had to go, to die (or the equivalent) it would be Lorne they would wish for.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that -- for all their faults -- they’re my team. My place is with them. Besides-” He patted Rodney’s arm reassuringly, needing to let him know how precious he was to his team, something he had only just learned. “-they’re not looking for another McKay around here. They already have one.”
He wanted to go home. Back to a world without Sheppard, but wherever Rod went, Sheppard would go to.
Who knew, someday, maybe, Sheppard would be back. All he needed was a little faith.
[Poll #976207]
Author:
thisissiriusPairings: Mensa!rod/mensa!john & john/rodney
SGA-verse or MENSA-verse: main mensa!verse but a little of normal!verse too.
Rating: pg
Warnings: character!ascension :) set post-epiphany.
Recipient:
very_rotten-your fault, you know. I don’t know how, and I don’t even know why, but it just is. You drag me around places I don’t want to go, and even convinced me that I should lead a team and I don’t even know what I’m doing, dammit, so -
He ascended.
Rod’s fingers drummed against the lab table, chest tightening as he eyed the hastily scribbled notes Sheppard had left behind. Harsh red pen, his trademark, only now made the white paper seem stark and horrid. Paper was a rarity in the Pegasus Galaxy, used sparingly and with care, but Sheppard had always seemed to have a piece, somewhere and would make Rod examine the notes he made, smug when Rod could (would) find no mistakes.
What the hell were you thinking, J? The stray thought caught him, and he held it. Straightening, he watched Radek give him an uneasy smile from across the room and his hold almost failed, the mask almost slipped. They tip-toed around him like he was going to fall apart, like he was made of glass.
For all that they tried, though, they couldn’t understand, not even a little bit.
He ignored Radek, and turned back to his laptop, and even there, there were signs of Sheppard’s intrusion in his life. The stupid picture he’d taken of his pot plant (still in Katie’s care and Rod needed to get it back, now) and stuck on Rod’s laptop for no other discernable reason other than to be a pain in Rod’s ass.
One he’d gladly get back, if he could.
-did, I made you happy? I like to think I did, but there’s so much to consider in a relationship – if that’s what we have, maybe we were just, friends with benefits? Lovers? – there’s variables and angles and decisions, and I hope I made the right choices, when I came to you. I guess I’ll never know, now if-
“Rod?” Elizabeth was standing in the doorway to her office when he ascended the stairs – and wasn’t that a hideously ironic word, considering? – and he gave her a tight smile, the best he could muster under the circumstances, even he wasn’t infallible. “Can I have a word?”
He looked quickly at Chuck, as if asking in silent desperation for help, but the technician gave him none and he wondered if this was a conspiracy. “One.”
His joke fell flat, though not for lack of trying, and he entered more slowly, unsure of what she was trying to do. He’d heard everything he needed to already, and if she tried to console him he was sure he was going to go insane. Slowly, he took a seat across from hers, and watched her fight to keep her emotions under control, and he knew she hurt, too.
“I understand how-” She fought for the right word and if he’d been a better man, now, he would have supplied it for her. “-hard, this is for you, but I need you to-” She paused again, and he knew in that silence what she was asking from him.
He wanted to snap, to lose control and let the disapproval and anger and hurt and pain roll off of him, but he couldn’t, he was still Rod McKay and he was easy going, and cool and –
“Look, I know you want me to, get over this,” His mouth twisted over the hateful words, “but I haven’t just lost a team-mate, Doctor-” He couldn’t help the inflection. “I lost a friend and-” He closed his eyes and let out a breath, he couldn’t go there. Even she didn’t have the power to save him from that. “Someone close to me.” He eyed her curiously, but she made no mention of the slip. “Tell me how quickly I’m supposed to get over that?”
She didn’t say anything for a minute, surprised by his words, but she overcame that quickly. “Rod-ney.” She added the last, almost as an afterthought. “The whole of Atlantis suffers the loss of its Military Commander.” He closed his eyes, no he hadn’t forgotten that either. The memory of Major Lorne, heels of her hands pressed to her eyes, wasn’t going to leave him soon, either. “But we need to get out there again. These are trying times for all of us.”
“You want me to get over it as soon as possible?” Even he wasn’t above the occasional slip, so it seemed. “Fine, Doctor Weir. Stick a marine in-“
“Major Lorne has requested she be allowed to join your team.”
Rodney’s eyes closed in another painful gesture, and he nodded, tightly. “Fine. Give us ample notice of our first mission and we’ll be there.” He stood up, without waiting to be dismissed, but Elizabeth hurried to finish.
“Rodney, wait. I miss him too.” She paused, reached into the desk for some papers. She held them out to him. “John asked me to give these to you.” When he died
His chest tightened painfully, and he didn’t need to hear the last to know it was there. He took them slowly, but refused to look at them.
“I’m sorry, truly. I understand how much-“
He didn’t want to hear the rest, not yet, and left her office before he could give anymore of his pain, his secrets, away.
-I know I should have tried to listen to you harder, all of you, but it wasn’t easy, admitting that I was wrong, sometimes.
I do thank you, though, because you gave me the power and strength to be somebody I didn’t think I could be, and I know I didn’t ever tell you that enough. I felt, sometimes, as though I were split in two, torn between duty and friendship, something I hope never to feel again.
Maybe it was easy on me, and I hope it was, for your sake.
Thank you, for everything. Teyla and Ronon, too. Between you, you were –
“Teyla?” She paused mid-step and eyed Rod curiously. He rarely sought her out before now, usually the other way round. These were challenging times for them, though, both as friends and as a team. She could recall the only other time they had stood a challenge such as this, and she remembered that with pain and sadness.
She inclined her head towards him and lowered the bantos sticks to her sides. “Rodney.” The flinch had always fascinated her, but she never shortened his name, not even when he asked. She was only interested in the man beneath, not the mask; for all that she had perfected hers.
“Will you fight with me?” He flicked a hand at the spare sticks and she couldn’t help the smile. It had been a long time since she’d fought with anyone who matched her in skill. The last had been John, who- She cut that thought off harshly. Too soon.
Twirling his sticks experimentally, Rodney was watching her circle him with loaded eyes. She often remarked that he was an open book before her, but never had she seen him like this, so tense and untamed. It was as though he could break before her, and a flood would come forth, drowning her in his emotions and pain.
“He meant a lot to us.” And this, then, was the reason he had come. He rarely asked her for wisdom and help, and she rarely gave it. If she was to admit it, to herself and to them, she was still mistrustful, slightly; of those she now called friends. She couldn’t help the burning resentment she felt at losing her home, but she would love them, now, and should they ask she would tell them how she cared, how much she wished they could end the conflict between their peoples, but they had never enquired.
“Yes.” She answered quickly, and then ducked as he swung, clumsy. It showed how out of practice he was, as she was in fighting him, that the second snapped her on the back of her thigh. Rolling away swiftly, she waited for him to move again. “You came to me.”
He flinched and they came together in a mess of sticks, pushing and pushing and – “I miss him.” The words were punctuated by a smack of the sticks, again and then he was pressing against her, face inches from hers, but she stood her ground easily. “Too much.”
“Is there a limit to how much you should love him?” They came apart, springing back and she rested easily on the toes of her left foot. “John loved you back as much, this you must now.” He pressed, again, on the advantage, but she was trained on the defence, and this was no more stick fighting than it was reassurance on Rod’s part.
He frowned. “It’s not even as though I can mourn.” He backed off, swirled a stick and waited for her to advance. She knew better, as well as with her words. “He’s not really dead.”
She acquiesced with a nod but pressed forward, just to see him fight. They met again and this time stayed, stick to stick, until she pressed her advantage, both of skill and timing and slid the stick around his neck, dropping him to his knees. “He knew the price, Rodney.”
Rodney pushed her off and climbed to his feet, making no move to reclaim his sticks. “He gave up everything-” He paused and Teyla heard the unspoken he gave up me. “-to ascend?”
She couldn’t answer him that.
-Don’t think bad of me, Rod. I tried my best, you have to know that-
The mess was silent and Ronon was glad of that one fact. There were few people here he trusted, and even fewer were left since the last Wraith attack and the subsequent loss of his team leader. He made no outward sign that anything was bothering him, but as he slid into the customary chair, at their customary table he was left speechless.
John had been weird, there was no question. His constant talk about numbers and stuff he didn’t understand had been an annoyance, sure, and Ronon could place more similarity with Rod, but there had been something about John, not least because he’d been the Military Head, but because he’d earnt Ronon’s trust as easily as if he’d been Satedan.
“Mind if I join you?” Ronon looked up, startled, and nodded silently to Major Lorne. He hadn’t known her very long, didn’t know her very well, but she’d never given him cause to wish her harm. She’d treated John (one of the only ones) with something close to respect, and he admired that she’d been sensible enough to keep opinions about his style to herself.
He said very little, but she wasn’t in the mood for talk. “You run every morning.” She made a face at his questioning eyebrow. “With John, I mean, didn’t you?”
“And Rod.” And hadn’t there been complaining about that. To Ronon’s immense surprise it had been Rod who complained the most, even if it was John who was always far too late sleeping in to run very often. The few times he had, though, Ronon had respected how much he’d looked into Satedan culture and customs. “They know me.”
He’d rarely run with Teyla. They fought in other ways, often with words, and only when they wanted to really hurt. “I can understand that. I just wondered-” There was another pause and Ronon considered for a minute why they never just outright said anything. He’d never understood their types of fear. There should only be one, that of the Wraith and the threat they posed. Better to ask for forgiveness, than to ask for permission. “-If one day you wouldn’t mind if I tagged along?”
She was to be his team leader now. He wondered if this was her way of asking whether that would be alright. “Sure. Six am.” He said no more, but saw something in her visibly release and she relaxed a little more. “John was a good leader.” She looked up, surprised flashing in her eyes. “I don’t envy you.”
She gave him the first real smile he’d seen on her face since, and he gave a nod in return. He rarely did smiling and she wasn’t team enough, yet.
“Rod will get used to you.”
She made a face and shovelled a mouthful of food in as if to mask it. When she’d swallowed she sighed again, this time more heartfelt. “I don’t think it will ever be the same.”
Ronon was tactful enough not to mention that it wouldn’t be for him, either.
- I wish you didn’t have to live this way, Rod. Not without me. Something made me do this, I’m sure, and it was probably out of protection for you, or out of fear that you’d never make it to me in time.
Know that I love you and wish that you could be there with me, as I go.
“He didn’t think we’d come for him.”
Rod pressed his hand to his face. Teyla took the letter from his outstretched fingers and read it over once, before passing it over to Ronon.
“He never placed as much faith in those words as you.”
“’Never leave a man behind’.” Rod said mockingly, before sitting back against the wall. John’s quarters were oddly empty, now, they were short on space and Elizabeth had been loathe to move his things, at first. Now, there was no reason to keep them and Rod entertained little hope of ever seeing his – of ever seeing John again.
“He never gave up hope.” Ronon shrugged easily and Rod glanced at him curiously. “John isn’t so different from you, not on a level. He would have waited as long as he could.”
Rod’s face twisted again, this time in self-hate. Teyla and Ronon knew better than to pry. “I’d give up everything, hell; I’d give up Atlantis just to get him back.” He stood, casting one look back at Sheppard’s room and ducked out of the door. “I’m sure he’s found something a lot more fulfilling.”
Teyla and Ronon exchanged one look of brief pain before they, too, left the room.
*
“I’m willing to take that risk. I’ve already requested the Daedalus to execute the transport to the coordinates inside the chamber on your mark. That is, if you’re willing to do this.” Rod gave Rodney what he hoped was an easy smile.
” Everyone loves you here.”
Rod barked a short laugh. “Yeah, but it’s not home. Look, what, my Teyla is hard to talk to, and my Ronon is, well, actually those two are pretty similar.” Rod winced and this time, Rodney deigned to bring it up.
“You never mention your Sheppard.” Rod’s breath caught in his throat, and he could see Rodney looking thoughtful. “Which time was it?”
Something akin to surprise flashed across his face at the thought of Rodney understanding. “What?”
“I’m always telling him that one time he won’t come home.” Something tightened in his face and Rod wondered how he could have missed it.
“You and him?”
Rodney looked at him wild-eyed and Rod held up his hands to placate him.
“Me and J, too.” The endearment came more easily, now, than it ever had. Being here, with their Sheppard had hurt, at first, but he was different, so different, that it was hard for Rod to associate them as the same person, and so he had stopped. “He ascended.”
Rodney’s eyes widened and for an instant, he moved as if to put a hand on Rod’s arm, but he stopped. “That must have been-” He looked pained, as if the admission was causing him harm and Rod shook his head.
“It’s okay now, really. It’s been months.” It didn’t make it easier, but for the first time since he’d arrived in this universe, Rod missed, really missed Teyla and Ronon. He missed Lorne and her easy smile, and quick wit. “They’re my team. Lorne too.”
Rodney gave him a flash of surprise, but said nothing and Rod knew they were thinking the same thing. If Sheppard had to go, to die (or the equivalent) it would be Lorne they would wish for.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that -- for all their faults -- they’re my team. My place is with them. Besides-” He patted Rodney’s arm reassuringly, needing to let him know how precious he was to his team, something he had only just learned. “-they’re not looking for another McKay around here. They already have one.”
He wanted to go home. Back to a world without Sheppard, but wherever Rod went, Sheppard would go to.
Who knew, someday, maybe, Sheppard would be back. All he needed was a little faith.
[Poll #976207]